Mens 1st 11 start the new year as they mean to continue

In the week that followed the Ford Transit custom being named the best selling van in the UK, Brentwood faced Braintree in the first game of the new year. The run up to the game saw most of the team members worried that the game may be frozen off, but it obviously went ahead otherwise I wouldn't be writing this.

Derry got the 'tunes' going and I remembered how much I had enjoyed the weeks without hearing that speaker. Brady, a player with an incorrect opinion of playing shirt collars, fraternized with the enemy as he talked to one of their players in the changing room. Seriously how many different club's shirts has he worn, that man's had more hockey clubs than Gun's has had out of date pasta meals.

The warm up was made more challenging since we needed to avoid the massive Transit tipper that had parked on the route, the warm up was much needed because it was a cold day, not the kind of brisk, fresh air that Jacob or Brady needs after a big night sprinting home from the club, but the kind that makes you shiver when you're standing watching the game before, desperately hoping that your team will be more intense and clinical on the ball than the previous team are.

George's back must be hurting after carrying today's goalscoring after he scored a total of 4 out of the 6 goals, however they weren't all without controversy. Subsection l of section 13.3 in the 2022 updated FIH rules of hockey states that when taking a penalty corner, "if the first shot at goal is a hit (as opposed to a push, flick or scoop), the ball must cross the goal-line, or be on a path which would have resulted in it crossing the goal-line, at a height of not more than 460 mm (the height of the backboard) before any deflection, for a goal to be scored." Neither Brentwood or Braintree could tell wether the ball was under a height of 460mm and to be honest I'm not sure if the umpire knew either however the home umpires decided that it was a goal. Braintree were truly rattled at this point and they continued to hold a grudge for the rest of the game which they took out physically, especially against poor Transit who got decked time after time yet they didn't card their player, bit of a joke if you ask me, they should have been shown the big cheese ?. I probably should mention that Braintree scored in the first minute and I don't like to exagerate, but I feel that was sub optimal for us. We scored back pretty quickly though so Braintree were put back into their place. They did get another goal actually towards the end of the game, it wasn't impressive and it came after Owen was chatting bare disrespect to their players so he kind of had it coming ?. Maybe next week he'll finally be able to get his second clean sheet of the season.

Not all the Braintree players were salty though as one of their players complimented George on behalf of our team after an excellent team goal was scored, who scored it wasn't that important the main thing is that we did it together. One of their younger players who looked about 15 was taught a lesson by one of Brentwood's finest however that lead to either a green or yellow card for Andy, no one's sure what it was but I have it on good authority that GMS will say it was green. Rumour has it they're still looking for the opposition's players head in Braintree since it clearly wasn't on during the game.

Jacob also scored at some point in the game with what can only be described as the 3rd song on the Frozen (2013) soundtrack. Good to get on the scoreboard however Pid is still not worried.

The game ended and Braintree were beat 6-2, and after Tristan and George shared an epic life-changing hack about using a steak knife with jacket potatos, the voting was underway for man of the match and dick of the day. DotD was a landslide majority for everyone's favourite tarmacer. MotM was a tie between George and some guy who's apparently scored even though it was a team goal? We all wish Stevie G a quick recovery from his injury and hope that his day painting some salon thing was worth missing this thriller.

In conclusion, a bad day for Braintree (our 2s walked over their 2s too before us so massive shoutout to them) and a great day for Brentwood who continue the fight to stay at the top of the league. Also a bad day for Paddy who sent a message confirming that he had left one of his many shirts at the clubhouse while I was writing this.

No chatGPT was used in the making of this report.

References
International Hockey Federation. (2023). International Hockey Federation 2022 updated rules. [Online]. International Hockey Federation. Available at: https://eur02.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fih.hockey%2Fstatic-assets%2Fpdf%2Ffih-rules-of-hockey-June23-update.pdf2.pdf%26ved%3D2ahUKEwia6JqogduDAxVvU0EAHT29Cow&data=05%7C02%7Cgary.macdonnell%40essex.gov.uk%7C82d2d5f90ddc4673c0ee08dc15a7eb1f%7Ca8b4324f155c4215a0f17ed8cc9a992f%7C0%7C0%7C638409058295827783%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000%7C%7C%7C&sdata=gljafyU%2F5U1qu7rQiNJdDj6S8ZNSzRLGnlBaYrloDTw%3D&reserved=0