Brentwood (3) - 3 Redbridge & Ilford - 4

I love playing for the 3's, led into battle each week by our glorious and heroic leader Ian Anderson. It's so cool. My brother Jacob (smelly) keeps telling me I'll never play for the 1's like he does. I laugh at him - he had to travel a really long way on Saturday and only got on the pitch for like 10 mins - I played most of the game until my hand hurt. Don't know what's wrong with my Dad though, he keeps playing with magnets on his tactics board muttering nasty words that I'm not allowed to hear about having no f**king defenders. My mum doesn't like hockey very much - she also uses nasty words every Saturday.

I was delighted to be picked for the 3's (again) for this really important game. We are doing so well I reckon it's because our captain is so cool and really good. Unfortunately the game didn't start well. Redbridge (boo) scored really quickly, like the very first time they had the ball. I was in the left back position and one of the nasty Redbridge players sent an aerial over me (I really hate being like two foot tall), the Redbridge players up front were all really quick and in a flash we were down. Not fair. When I'm like leader of the hockey world I'm definitely changing the rules to stop tall players picking on small players. We then went on the attack and so deserved a goal. From where I was it looked like Mops was being beaten up to stop him scoring. Ian Anderson was being brilliant again and totally amazing driving us forward but then Redbridge scored again boo. Again caught on the counter attack with them running really, really fast and scoring. When I become master of the hockey universe I'm definitely going to have it a rule that there will be a maximum speed of players to stop such cheating. I'll have it that the maximum speed of Ian Anderson will be the maximum speed allowed and I'll have robot umpires to enforce the rule.

Would we get back in the game? Of course we would we are after all like really brilliant so of course we would score. I was to busy thinking about about tactics for my Fortnite battle later to remember anything about the goal that made it 1-2 but I bet Ian Anderson did something amazing. I do know that it was an amazing finish by Simon Hill. Dad reckons Simon can only finish like that because of his days in the Academy.

However we then did go 1-3 down. This was all a little silly. We had a hit out which was fine. There was only one slight problem, we never actually got out. Somehow we managed to dig ourselves into a hole whereby the ball never moved away from our goal, it was passed from defender to defender in a straight line, we were closed down by those horrible Redbridge bullies who stole the ball off us and scored. When I'm Lord and Master of the entire Hockey Universe I'll definitely have a rule that you're not allowed to take the ball off Brentwood teams and score before they've had the chance to play it away from their goal.

Half time and another really amazing team talk from Ian Anderson. We were all so pumped up going out to start the second half. I wish Ian could give me a team talk before my Fortnite battles I reckon I could go out and shoot everyone in the face instead of being killed within ten seconds of the game starting. It was so obvious we would score. My dad reckoned the goal was one of the funniest things he's ever seen on a hockey pitch. Brentwood hacked at Redbridge, Redbridge hacked at Brentwood my Dad reckoned that some of the tackling was so bad that even he was embarrassed by it. Somehow play was allowed to go on before we got a short corner. My Dad is so silly he reckons Ian Anderson mis hit the short when it went in. I know it bounced up and down about three times before hitting the back board but I also know Ian Anderson like deffo intended this. Dad isn't as skillful or as cool as Ian Anderson so doesn't know what he's talking about.

The comeback didn't last very long. Again Redbridge attacked and pretty much scored straight away. When I'm like in charge of world universe hockey I'll have it a rule that there must be five minutes between goals.

Try as much as we could and despite having Ian Anderson playing amazing as always we couldn't get into the game and lost 3-4. I can't remember much of the final part of the game as I was really tired and my hair was in my eyes.

Still sausages, beans and chips as the teas. That is like my most favourite meal ever. I was really cool sitting with the big adults drinking my fanta orange. There was even cake, well yummy.

The game was really good but I am really sad as Ian Anderson isn't playing for the next two weeks. I bet we lose like loads to nil.

Man of the Match: Ian Anderson