Saffron Walden 4’s - 8 Brentwood Academy – 1

Saffron Walden is apparently so nice that my wife decided to accompany me to this particular away trip. So, whilst she took in the delights of the market (that was closing by the time she arrived) in the historic market town I took to the ‘pitch.’ Now lets get the negatives out of the way first shall we. Saffron Walden have spent a few pennies recently on their facilities but firstly due to the flood lights not working we were relegated to the back ‘pitch.’ The back ‘pitch’ maybe good for football and various other sports but for hockey it ain’t great and that is an understatement. It also appears that whilst investment has been made, unlucky if your match goes beyond 5pm because you’ll have no showers. Whilst the floodlights weren’t working on pitch 1 it was difficult to say if they were working on ‘pitch’ 2. A row of candles would probably have been more effective. Add in a long journey up waiting for a car crash to be cleared and you are getting the sense that I’ve had better Saturday afternoons, at times root canal surgery appeared more appealing.

So, we played something approximating a hockey match in that it featured some recognisable elements of hockey in that we carried sticks and there was a ball somewhere on the pitch, not that it was always possible to see it. To be clear Saffron Walden are clearly a better side then us. Top of the league and deservedly so. These are a good team but a better working relationship with the conditions gave them an extra edge. I won’t dwell to much on the game as even during it I was thinking about how I would work with my therapist to forget about it. As my therapist says to me, you must compartmentalise Gary keep the good and let go of the bad.* They scored 6 goals in the first half where we barely advanced out of our half. A couple were excellent team goals where you had to doff your hat and a couple were our errors, again not something we need to dwell on. Pre scan for your next pass was neigh on impossible given it took 100% concentration to ensure ball control and actually the best way to play the surface we worked out was really to actually run with the ball. Its not exactly the mantra we’ve been giving the team. The aerial was the best form of pass and the teams best exponent of that particular skill was fannying around in Windsor getting pictures with people dressed up in oversized bear skin hats (note that the fact they still make these hats out of actual bearskin in 2024 is an absolute disgrace). Still the first half finished on a high as we won three short corners in quick succession. Louis Howard finishing off the last of these with an excellent finish from a tightish angle following a bit of a scramble. The second half was better. A slightly more even game. It’s a sign things aren’t going well when the half time chat ends with ‘just win the second half.’ We lost the second half 2-0 but certainly we were better.

Fair play to all. All the youth could be proud of their displays and work. Shout out to Doug who has found his voice and was getting stuck in and wanting the ball at every opportunity. Sometimes there isn’t even an opportunity. My new favourite thing is Doug calling for the ball off Roffe, with Roffe in his extremely happy style telling him that he isn’t actually on. Joyous stuff.

We move on and there will be better days then this. At least Saffron Walden made it back into the conversation for the quality of their teas. Having been top of that particular tree for many years it was a barren time over the past couple with tomato soup but the chicken curry served was much more in keeping, just a pity I had to eat it whilst wearing kit. My wife also enjoyed her lunch in town so all was not lost.

We departed for home both plotting our trip advisor reviews and wondering how negative you can be without being sued. It’s a pity one of us stunk in the car. My wife has vowed to look again at her perfume selection. As James McKay stated on our Whats Ap group – “sand pitches should be banned.”

Team: Richard Booth, Fraser McLauchlan, Simon Roffe, Rob Musk, Chris Minor, James McKay, Gary MacDonnell, Doug Muncey, Sam Anderson, Louis Howard, Alex Hull.

Man of the Match: Doug Muncey

* I don’t actually have a therapist, yet.